the sky


is grey




and dies


i wonder

all my life i have made decisions and all my life i allow these decisions to make me suffer. why did i not so this? why did i not do it that way? i should have left before it got that bad. why do i allow myself to suffer this way? do i enjoy it, well i just said i suffered so i obviously cannot enjoy it but i keep doing it. why can i not stop it. now i suffer based on my suffering. my suffering is causing me to question the needs of my suffering. i want to break the cycle. how do i break the cycle? carrying on cannot be healthy? or is this what everyone does? do we all suffer like this? is this human condition? am i alone and only imagining others do this so as to not feel totally alone? if all our consciousness does is cause us to suffer, why did we evolve it? do animals do this? is there an ameba somewhere wondering if it should have gone that way? is there a squirrel doubting that it has been busy enough storing nuts for winter? is there a cow wondering if it filled in its tax return properly? is this all life is. we make decisions and then we suffer because of them?


is this life?