Bureaucracy

In the dimly lit corridors of Whitehall, beneath the weight of centuries of bureaucracy, Harold Wainwright drifted. Each step an echo of the last, a reverberation in a hollow chamber. The grandeur of his title, Permanent Secretary to the Treasury, masked the absurdity of his existence. His life had become a procession of indistinguishable days, an infinite loop of meetings, memos, and mundane machinations. Wainwright’s office was a sepulchre of paper. Files towered like ancient monoliths, each document a testament to decisions made and forgotten. His desk, a battlefield of correspondence, bore the scars of a thousand signatures, each more meaningless than the last. The ticking of the clock on the wall marked not the passage of time but the erosion of his soul. Every morning began with the same ritual. Harold would don his suit, a uniform of conformity, and embark on the commute through the grey, featureless streets of London. The Underground was a theatre of silent faces, each passenger a ghost in the machine, moving through the motions of their daily purgatory. At his desk by eight, Harold would sip tepid tea, the lifeblood of British bureaucracy. His inbox, a hydra of emails, awaited him with open jaws. Responding to each message was an exercise in futility; for every email he dispatched, two more would take its place. The subjects varied little: budget allocations, policy revisions, endless consultations. Each reply was a carefully crafted non-commitment, a delicate dance of words that said nothing. The meetings were the nadir of his day. Roundtables of round faces, all speaking in circles. PowerPoint presentations with graphs that climbed and fell, mirroring the rise and fall of his own spirit. Each presenter droned in a monotone, their voices merging into a single, interminable hum. Decisions were made, then unmade, then remade in a perpetual cycle of indecision. Harold’s role was that of the spectator, a silent witness to the farce. Occasionally, he would interject with a suggestion, a minor alteration to the script, but it was all for show. The real decisions were made elsewhere, in smoke-filled rooms far removed from the pretence of public service. Paperwork was the bedrock of his existence. Forms in triplicate, reports in quadruplicate. Each document required his scrutiny, his approval, his signature. His hand moved automatically, a mechanical process devoid of thought. The words blurred on the page, meaning lost in a sea of jargon and legalese. Occasionally, a document of genuine import would cross his desk, a rare moment of clarity in the fog. But even these were mere ripples in the vast ocean of mediocrity. Policies that might have changed lives were diluted, sanitised, until they became nothing more than hollow gestures.


Lunchtime was a brief respite, a momentary escape from the monotony. Harold would wander the streets, a flâneur in a city that had forgotten him. He would eat in silence, surrounded by strangers who mirrored his own isolation. The food was bland, sustenance without flavour, much like his work.

Occasionally, he would meet a colleague, and they would exchange pleasantries, their conversations as empty as their offices. They spoke of weather and weekends, of holidays and hobbies, but never of the work that consumed them. It was an unspoken agreement, a collective denial of their shared futility.
Afternoons were a descent into lethargy. The weight of the morning’s tedium pressed down upon him, and his mind would wander. He thought of his youth, of dreams long abandoned, of a life that might have been. He once believed in the power of public service and the possibility of change. But that belief had been eroded by years of inertia and indifference. His office was a prison, the walls closing in with each passing hour. The computer screen glowed with the harsh light of spreadsheets and statistics, numbers that meant nothing. His colleagues moved around him, shades in a shadow play, each as trapped as he was. The commute home was a mirror image of the morning. The same faces, the same silence. Harold would return to his flat, a box in a tower of boxes, and collapse into his chair. The television flickered with images of a world that seemed distant and unreal. News of crises, conflicts, scandals, and sensations washed over him without leaving a mark. He would eat a solitary dinner, the food as tasteless as his lunch, and drink a glass of wine, the only luxury he allowed himself. The night stretched out before him, an expanse of emptiness. He would read, or try to, but the words would slip away, unable to hold his attention. Sleep was a temporary reprieve, a brief escape from the monotony, but morning always came too soon.

And so it went, day after day, week after week, year after year. Harold Wainwright, Permanent Secretary to the Treasury, a man of title but no substance, moved through the labyrinth of his life. Each day was a repetition of the last, a cycle of banality and monotony.

He had become a ghost, a shadow in the corridors of power, his existence a parody of purpose. And yet, he continued, driven by habit and duty, by the inertia of a life half-lived. The labyrinth had no exit, and he had long since ceased to search for one.

In the end, there was only the monotony, the endless, unchanging monotony. And Harold Wainwright, a servant to the machine, faded into the background, a nameless face in the endless hallways of Whitehall.

Words

We find it inconceivable to live without words and find it hard to believe that other lifeforms on this planet also use words. We were so anthropocentric we could not see that the writing was on the wall, and once it was on the wall, we carried on, as if the wall was going to be destroyed; why worry about stopping the damage now? Words used money as an obfuscation to the damage we were causing. We obliterated the planet, and the words allowed us to do so. If we had stopped and saved the earth, the power of the word would have been meaningless. Meaningless power is worth nothing.

Captured

It was all dark. There were voices when they spoke, he could hear them now, muffled, almost intelligible, but they were there. There was a musty smell around him. There was a cover over his head, and he could now sense movement. As he shifted position, the voices stopped, he felt paranoid again, well, at least he’d proven his paranoia right. He could feel them looking at him; what do you do in this situation?

Staying quiet seemed like the best choice, mainly as his mind was all over the place. He could feel his heart beating, and his breathing was feeling laboured, almost painful. Every breath was rasping his throat. Whatever was on his head was feeling weighty; he could feel it start to push him down into the seat, panic was beginning to kick in.

He was slowly pulled up and out of the car; should he try and escape? He didn’t feel he could. He was frozen inside. Fear had gripped him and had gripped him tight. They were talking again. What they were saying, he had no idea. It all sounded harsh to him. Did that mean he was in more trouble? He was pulled along with his feet dragging, and he couldn’t make them walk anymore. Effectively, Miller was paralysed. Was this a remnant of whatever he had been injected with? He was slowly starting to remember what had happened? Who was it that he met in the corridor? How did they know who he was? Hadn’t he filtered into obscurity?

…………………………………………………

He was bundled into a seat, his hands pulled to the sides of the chair, and zip-tied in place. The hood was pulled off Miller. The room was bright, and the light was stinging his eyes. He instinctively shut them again and slowly started to unscrew them. The room slowly began to hover into view. It was a standard hotel room: a few chairs and two beds, cheap furniture with illusions of being high class. The wallpaper was a weird beige colour, leaving you wondering if it was patterned or if it had just aged poorly.

There were two people here; I didn’t recognise either of them. They were talking to each other in a language that I didn’t understand. It still sounded harsh to me and as if both participants were arguing. Their body language suggested that this was not the case.

“I’d like a drink, please.”

They looked at me, an obvious distaste in their eyes. The guy on the left had a 1000 yard stare. The stare was enough to make Miller realise that he did not want to upset him. The guy on the right turned and walked to what I guess was the bathroom. The water flowed out the tap sounding as if he had turned on a waterfall. The noise was almost overpowering in this room. He returned and handed me a plastic cup filled with water. He held it at my mouth, and I gulped the water down, it was tepid, and although he hated the taste, he was in no position to complain or even to no longer want a drink. He did not want to displease these two men.

“Wwwwhhhyy am I here?”

“You know.”

“I don’t!”

They just looked at him blankly, which was somehow even worse than when they looked at him with distaste. Panic was rising in him, and his whole body felt rigged to an alarm system he could no longer control. He hadn’t felt such a sense of panic and urgency in years. Not since they were closing in, and the war was ending. He felt persecuted; he was only following his instructions; he had never really been in charge. Had he ever been in charge of any moment in his life? All he craved was monotony. He just wanted to be able to sit and do nothing. Clear his mind, listen to a clock tick, watch the world go by, and do nothing. Now, he was starting to feel this would never be allowed to happen ever again.

There was a knock on the door. One of the men said something, a muffled reply came back, and they opened the door. A thin, balding man entered, he was smaller than the two people already in the room, but somehow he was more intimidating. He looked at Miller and cracked a smile. Miller felt no reassurance in this smile; in fact, he felt almost nauseous looking at this man.

“Hello.”

Miller didn’t know how to respond, so he merely nodded.

“I’m glad to meet your acquaintance finally,” his voice had a slight lilt to it like he was trying to lull Miller to sleep, “I’ve spent the last few years trying to find you. I’ve also been looking for a Mr Walsh. Would you  know where he is?”

“I, I only ever met him once.”

“Recently?”

“No, just before the end.”

“The end? The end of what? The war?”

“Yes.” Miller was thinking now that he’d made a mistake. Perhaps, he should have feigned ignorance. Would they have let him go? It was academic now anyway, and he’d all but admitted they had the right guy. What would they do know? Execute him and just leave his body in a ditch somewhere. They could probably just leave his body here, and the police would still be none the wiser. “Are you going to kill me?”

“No, we are going to do something far worse than that. We’re going to take you back to face justice. To look at the crimes you helped commit and explain why. Every day you’re going to wake up and speak face to face with the victims of your actions.”

“Where are you taking me?” A calm was now washing over Miller. He always felt this day would come. He did, though, believe he was going to be killed and left to rot. Now, he might have a chance to explain himself, prove that he had no other choice. He had hope that he could be free and never need to look over his shoulder. He could explain.

“Back to the Holy land.” This answer somehow started to weaken Miller’s belief he would be able to free himself. He needed to go somewhere where he could have a real trial, and he was now starting to worry he’d just face a show trial. A trial where he was already guilty. Would he be able to turn the prosecution around and prove his innocence? He was only following orders; he had no other choice. He only wrote schedules. He never asked. He just wanted to do the best job he could. All he could muster was a half-hearted, “Okay.” He looked at the three strangers in the room and realised he’d never get out of the room alive if he tried to free himself. There was no chance that anyone was coming for him. Calmness was now washing over him. There was nothing he could do, and Miller just had to let what was coming come. For the first time in years, he didn’t have to look over his shoulder. It was too late now. They had already found him.